Why Do Women Marry Losers?

David Osteen

We all see what is an apparent injustice in life; which is when a beautiful woman is married to an ugly man.  And by this, I am not referring to the imbalance of physical beauty, but of the spirit.  Certainly, there are occasions when people look at a physically beautiful woman and a physically ugly man and wonder, “WOW; How did HE end up with HER?”  But the seemingly greater injustice is when the spiritually beautiful woman ends up with a spiritually repugnant man.  How does this happen?

We have an example of such an instance in the Bible.  In I Samuel 25 we read of a fellow who is described as a rich businessman but is also “harsh and evil” (v.3).  As we read on we see that his own servants describe him as a “worthless man” that no one can speak to or reason with (v.17).  He arrogantly and foolishly insults the future king (v.10), and is even described by his own wife as full of folly (v.25); which is what his name, Nabal, literally means.  We also see, as is so often the case, that his folly is only compounded by the foolish choice of drunkenness (v.8 & 36).  This is the sort of man that we would sum up in our modern-day vernacular as – A Loser!

And who is this loser married to?  You guessed it; a beautiful (both physically and spiritually)  intelligent humble woman.  She is described as such by the scriptures (v.3).  The servants seeking salvation for the household by her hands is a demonstration of their trust for her wisdom and compassion (v.14-17).  She was resourceful and prepared as shown by what she brought to David (v.18-20).  Abigail, translated means “the joy of her father”, as she certainly would be, living honorably and in wisdom (Pro. 23:24-25).  David calls her a blessing and a woman of “discernment” (v.33).  In so many respects Abigail is the “excellent wife” or “virtuous woman” of Proverbs 31:10-31 which is such a rare jewel of a find.  So how does such a woman end up with such a man?

In the days in which Abigail lived, about 1000 BC, it may be a relatively simple answer.  Marriages, especially amongst the rich or the royal, were arranged.  Oftentimes the daughter did not have the choice of whom she would join in marriage. Even if she did have the choice she would most likely marry whomever her parents urged in order to please, honor, or help them.  I don’t believe Abigail was attracted to, or deceived, by the wealth of this man.  I believe she more or less had to marry him, and despite his evil, she remained the fearful righteous servant of God that made her so special. 

Why do women marry losers today?  I have no idea.  Many times it is because they marry when they are too immature to make wise and discerning choices.  Sometimes it is because they are foolish and are deceived by vain worldly things like riches, fame, or even “ruggedly handsome good looks”.  And if it is because of “love”; why love such a man that has no love for your heavenly Father?  That only proves they don’t know what “love” really is, or what it is all about – a sure sign of a lack of maturity.  While we may never know why otherwise intelligent women chose losers, we should know that if they do their responsibility to God is the same as if they married a great guy… and that is to be an honorable, loving, respectful spouse.  That is what we find in Ephesians 5:22-33, and in Colossians 3:18, and in Titus 2:3-5, and in I Peter 3:1-9, and so on and so forth!

Just because a woman may make a bad or unwise choice and end up marrying a “loser” does not absolve her of her responsibility to be a “winner” of a wife.  It does not absolve her of her duty to God to love, respect, and honor her husband.  May Abigail be an example of wisdom, love, honor, service, and humility to any single women who are in such a situation, and many women who have not yet made the choice of a spouse be encouraged to judge their current and future prospects against the truth and wisdom of God’s word.